Creditflux Newsletter

Lose pounds with our miracle cure

Specially designed for European banks, ShedMore all-natural treatment can help you shed unwanted weight from your balance sheet

One dose of ShedMore will purge core corporate loans, project finance facilities and other fatty elements, leaving you trimmer and enjoying a healthier capital balance.

This treatment is specially formulated to avoid the P&L leakage that comes with other more drastic capital treatments, meaning that you can achieve your weight loss goals effortlessly.

Warning: ShedMore can have adverse side effects such as sovereign dependency and reduced asset quality.

Personal problems

Does your trading desk droop after lunch?

Are you much less active than you used to be? Do you worry about low volumes? You may be suffering from reduced activity syndrome.

As balance sheets age, some loss of credit trading appetite is inevitable. At times of stress, this problem can be much worse. However, you can put zest back into your trading life by trying treasury-formula Vinagra. Vinagra is guaranteed to get your volumes back up.

Hear what our customers have to say about Treasuries: “My volumes have never been better since I stopped trading corporate credit and switched. I’m like a new man.” – Vinay, New York.

“I thought I couldn’t perform any more, but since taking this stuff I’m a stud.” – Dieter, London.

Order your supply today on 1-800-TRADEUP

Second-hand sales

Beautiful Greek 4% 2037 bonds for sale

Other remarkable Hellenic artefacts available at rock-bottom prices

Although the rarest GGBs trade for as much as three cents of their original face value*, many other attractive examples are available at more affordable prices. For a unique and original gift, why not buy our “full curve” set of Hellenic Republic treasury bonds.

*No monetary value. Not valid as legal tender or ECB collateral.

Homecare

Wash away that risk!

All new Vanish Clear eliminates counterparty risk in a single treatment

Do you find that conventional methods, such as CSA and CVA, leave your counterparty positions looking off-white? Now you can get rid of those stains with Vanish Clear. Even stubborn French bank grease and regional dealer oil will be completely washed away.

Vanish Clear quickly and simply removes your existing counterparties and leaves you with the risk-free fragrance of an SEC/ECB/IMF-approved* product.

*All guarantees are implicit. Vanish Clear contains pooled risk and other hazardous chemicals.

Gadgets

Enjoy the 1% club

Stylish OWS noise reduction headphones broadcast non-stop Fox News (or CNBC) to blot out protests

Our superb headphones are ideal if you pass Occupy protestors on your way to a top credit trading job in a major financial centre.

OWS headphones: look stylish, stay chilled and keep out the incessant chanting.

Jobs

Find your way to a better career

Nadir College has helped more structured credit professionals retrain as bus drivers than anyone else

Jorge, 29, a former credit structurer turned his life around by taking a masters degree in public transport navigation at Nadir College. “I tried everything,” says Jorge. “Expert witness, consultancy – I even dealt CDO junk.” But now Jorge has a real sense of direction and is holding down a proper job for the first time in six months.

Call Nadir College today and retrain for a productive role in society.

If you would like to place an ad, please contact classified sales on fishknife@creditflux.com